Tuesday, December 05, 2006


As part of a new regime, I'm forcing myself to do some writing everyday. I have to apologise for the posts below, as they are very much the result of the new rule. I'm tired today, so not up for much. The two pieces below are more for fun than anything else (although I'm sure they probably won't read that way, they are intended to be satirical... hmmm)

"I think I'll hit the showers, and get back to the Chekhov, coach!" looking upward, hope for encouragement painted all over the face.

"I think that's best, Billy" looking down, stern.

Road Rage: II

"Well, well, well
Hello, hello, hello"

I greet the boys in blue, between my red hands and the grey sky
Weather's all around us like a scene from Flann O'Brien
Misery and absurd humour
Like "Keep still, you little fucker!" they say
While they push me
Here and there, grabbing my arms and twisting my wrists
And if that weren't enough,
I'm hardly mid coitus here
So there's no need for them to call me "fucker"
And, though I'm loath to admit,
I'm almost the size of a bullbar-fronted housewife's lover machine.
Innacurate description of the suspect can
In some cases
Lead to false imprisonment

"Take me away," I say
"Take me, take me now!"
Unwell, I'm done in my mind
And I don't think I'll drive again.

Road Rage: I

It wasn't so much
The Traffic
Standstill, while I waited in an overheating car in an overlong tailback on an under-resourced road
It wasn't the others
Who I had sympathy for - we were all in it together
Until a few filthy fuckers
Started playing sillybuggers
Cutting the rest of us up, cutting the rest of us out
Pushing themselves ahead and fucking the rest of us out of it
Fucking the rest of us off.
Nor was it
The politician on the radio
Who tried to grin it all away by going
"Isn't it wonderful now we're rich enough to have traffic problems?"
No, it's actually
The presenter and their stupid questions and
banter that means
Not a thing to anyone
least of all
It was the presenter
The fucking presenter
That made me take to those people with my car jack.