Friday, January 05, 2007

Fine Gael - "No power for us, thanks"

In a strange sleight of hand, Fine Gael have once again tried to emphasise their internal arguments, differences of opinion and overall party weaknesses rather than capitalising on a couple of years of strong growth in popularity and support. Of course, Fine Fail have similar rumblings every so often, but a road upgrade here shows the back benches that they haven't lost their way and an arts centre there proves that the party in power aren't just creating a consumerist society - or at least proves it enough to quiet down the back benches. As Fine Fail continues to write out these blank cheques to the electorate, Fine Gael continues to rock the electorate with their "Vote for us, we're unstable" slogan. This time, the claim by John Deasy is that if FG don't do well in the election (in a few months time), then Enday Kenny will have to go. Well, duh. I think half the country knows this. Mr Deasy is either playing a long game (losing FG the election for his own personal gain), or towing the party line (following the great tradition (policy?) of washing their dirty laundry in public). I think all signs actually point to the latter. This is another tactic used by FG to prove themselves a weaker party in Irish elections.

I have a couple of theories on why this is:



"The Producers" of Irish politics

Fine Gael's tactic, in the face of an upcoming election, is reminiscent of the plot line of Mel Brooks' "The Producers". In this film, musical based on the film, and film based on the musical based on the film, the central idea is: "under the right circumstances, a producer could actually make more money with a flop than he can with a hit." Fine Gael have figured out that being in opposition is more profitable than being in power. How? Well, I guess the following factors might add up (although I'd best declare now, I'm no accountant):

1. In true Irish "throw money at it to fix it" style, FG donors will provide more money to the party after each failure in an attempt to improve the party's situation

2. In terms of "man hours: Paycheck" ratio, being in government takes more out of you; it's best to keep yourself with some free time to spend with the family

3. FG are actually quite an honest party. Being in power would mean having to write blank cheques, FF-style, to keep the electorate and back benches quiet

4. Speaking of quiet - at the moment, FG are answerable to nobody. Who in the name of Christ wants to go from that position to being answerable to 4 million tax payers, who will go on about "paying your wages"?





"An Beal Bocht" of Irish Politics

It is possible that "The Producers" theory is completely off plate. One good challenge to the theory is that Fine Gael want to get into power; they talk about it enough ("If we were in government..."; "In a Fine Gael-led government..." etc.). So, if this is the case, the question is how do they hope to do it? Well, by playing on the Irish innate sympathy for misery. Fine Gael are playing up the poor mouth in an attempt to garner popularity from being the 'underdog' of Irish politics. Despite being one of the parties existing at the foundation of the state, they'd much prefer to be the 'guys who came from nowhere'. This has been a long term goal, ever since the election of 2002. Now they can canvas the electorate with such beauties as:

"Well, we're only a small party..."

"My mother died three months before my birth. After my father beat me repeatedly until he died of a heart attack (oh, how I loved him!) I decided I would make something of myself. I started with small sculptures from nail clippings, but decided to move on, to be a better me... and I want the same for this country..."

"Would you look at that dog, shivering in the cold? He's like us. Given half the chance, we'd be at the door protecting you all. Just at the moment we've fleas and a strange smell of carpet cleaner and damp..."

"Lookit, we're only a couple of boys and lasses trying to make a difference. We'll do whatever it takes to make it. Our friends are these socialist fellas over there...yeah, the shouty one... no, he doesn't say much for someone who talks a lot... "

More on this later. Possibly better reasons. In the meantime, if you have a theory on the FG "The Self-Destruct Party", please share it with me.


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Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Tired

As part of a new regime, I'm forcing myself to do some writing everyday. I have to apologise for the posts below, as they are very much the result of the new rule. I'm tired today, so not up for much. The two pieces below are more for fun than anything else (although I'm sure they probably won't read that way, they are intended to be satirical... hmmm)

"I think I'll hit the showers, and get back to the Chekhov, coach!" looking upward, hope for encouragement painted all over the face.


"I think that's best, Billy" looking down, stern.

Road Rage: II

"Well, well, well
Hello, hello, hello"

I greet the boys in blue, between my red hands and the grey sky
Weather's all around us like a scene from Flann O'Brien
Misery and absurd humour
Like "Keep still, you little fucker!" they say
While they push me
Here and there, grabbing my arms and twisting my wrists
And if that weren't enough,
I'm hardly mid coitus here
So there's no need for them to call me "fucker"
And, though I'm loath to admit,
I'm almost the size of a bullbar-fronted housewife's lover machine.
Innacurate description of the suspect can
In some cases
Lead to false imprisonment

"Take me away," I say
"Take me, take me now!"
Unwell, I'm done in my mind
And I don't think I'll drive again.

Road Rage: I

It wasn't so much
The Traffic
Standstill, while I waited in an overheating car in an overlong tailback on an under-resourced road
Starting
Forward
Slow
ly
and
Jer-
kill
y
then
Stop
It wasn't the others
Who I had sympathy for - we were all in it together
Until a few filthy fuckers
Started playing sillybuggers
Cutting the rest of us up, cutting the rest of us out
Pushing themselves ahead and fucking the rest of us out of it
Fucking the rest of us off.
Nor was it
The politician on the radio
Who tried to grin it all away by going
"Isn't it wonderful now we're rich enough to have traffic problems?"
No, it's actually
The presenter and their stupid questions and
banter that means
Not a thing to anyone
least of all
me
It was the presenter
The fucking presenter
That made me take to those people with my car jack.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Performancing

Performancing is a very cool blogging tool for Firefox 2.0. Blog from any site (like clicking the "Blog this" link, except it's an option within Firefox. A small text editor appears, and you write away (as I am now). On the right, a list of your blogs (which are simple as hell to configure for username/password). Whe you're done writing, you select the blog to post it to, and you're done. It's a gimick, but I bet for professional bloggers, and those who keep and eye on the web, it's bizarre offerings and real benefits, this could be a compelling and (frankly) pretty cool way to blog!





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