Whore out your daughters, war out your sons...

Once again, of course, the BBC News website has got me riled. This time, it's an article about Farfur, a Mickey Mouse lookalike in Palestine. This bizarre character, who is essentially Mickey Mouse with some (more?) subversive objectives was shown being beaten to death by an "Israeli agent". I beseech you to read the full article here.

This is a hideous use of propaganda directed toward children, the like of which we haven't seen in the West (bless us), since the Spice Girls convinced 7 year old girls that they needed wonder bras and 7 year old boys with big bits. But I find even more disconcerting the fact that the icon used - Mickey Mouse - is surely not just an "enemy of Islam" (given his status as one of the greatest American icons. Briefly, MM is one symptom of the rampant US cultural homogeneity that those who use terms like "enemy of Islam" indict), but is also an enemy of imagination, for children everywhere.

Mickey Mouse, like the Spice Girls, is a bizarre cultural phenomenon that propagandises children's imaginations. I know, I know, I'm taking it all a bit seriously. But think about it. If we allowed children to develop their own imaginations, based on their own cultural and historic identities, possibly we wouldn't need to import (or indeed 'plugin') such ideas as Mickey Mouse, the Spice Girls, ASBOs, the Royal Family, &c. If our children were left to their own imaginations, perhaps they would find in themselves the kind of cultural fluidity that would allow them their own identities, while also enjoying the culture of others, in the security that there is no 'lesser' or 'better' cultural identity. They could even enjoy Mickey Mouse, the Spice Girls and the Royal Family without having to integrate these cultural Big Macs into their own identities. I understand now that this argument is getting heavy, so I better move on to the dick jokes...

SO, a Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Imam walk into Stephen's Green. To the scene they witness, each one turns to the other and says "I blame your god..."

Sorry, religious. We'll get to the dick joke now.

Let's have a chuckle about using of Mickey Mouse as an icon for propagandising children into some idea of Islamic supremacy. This bland identity, who is 79 this year has only a passing Irish dick joke as a point of real interest (his name is "Mickey Mouse" - think of the phone book listing - and his first hit was "Steamboat Willie" - think of the possible porn-a-like - and he wears pants with buttons at the front and back). I can hear now: "What's wrong with Mickey Mouse, except for the ludicrous name?" I can't honestly say that I don't see his appeal. As an 8 year old, I used to love Mickey Mouse, although no one would be surprised to learn I had more of an affiliation for Goofy. But here's the thing: as an 8 year old, I could enjoy these characters, however, they did not define me.

Our problem now is that so many of these images (let's not pretend they have the depth or even attempt to mean so much as an icon) are pushed out to our kids, and our kids think: this is an identity. Of course, I'm not saying children go through some kind of existential crisis, debating the pros and cons of this cultural, social and personal identity over that one (if your child is, drop me a mail, I know a great woman who can deal with that). The point is, this image can then be used to funnel political, religious and cultural ideals to children who have not yet learned to critique such messages. Children are idiots, I grant you that. That is why we need to be careful about what we say to them, what we push them toward, what we tell them is good and bad, and how we tell them.

The last thing I want to do here is endorse the idea that children should be bigged up so much. Children are, can be, and most probably will be shits in some of their time as children. It's their way. But now we celebrate their uninformed ideology (which is really naivety, because they are still new to this world), their 'I don't care' philosophy ('I don't know'), and, of course, their open views toward sexuality (Music videos, TV ads, billboards, movies, 'gossip' mags, newspaper ads, marketing campaigns). So much do we consider children a force to be reckoned with, that we've had to import (or 'plugin') the idea of ASBOs from Britain. It's a shame we can't import ('plugin') the idea of raising children from America, home of all these icons.

As a father to be, these things crowd my mind every day. I'm loathe to admit it, because what father wants to admit they're not sure how to deal with every conceivable situation that could be put to them every day of their (or more importantly, their children's) lives? How does one deal with the possibility that your child's imagination and identity will be hijacked and flown into some bizarre icon of 'modern life' that you (to be honest) could less than be bothered with. Yikes. I'm not trying to belittle 9-11. My point is that the Twin Towers, as an icon of a global economy, had very little impact on my day-to-day life. It affects me that thousands must needlessly die. However, if I were in New York, if 9-11 never happened and someone said to me "let's go up the twin towers!" I'd politely ask "Why?"

Back to the kids. Yes, the kids are our future. Yes, we enjoy the luxury of concerning ourselves with the idea of 'icons' and 'ideology'. It's great that we aren't starving to death, the way so many are - to be fair they're trying to be quiet about it. It's great that we wake up, thinking the only torture we have to endure is our working day (which does not generally include electrodes on testicles, random beatings, 'rushing', wet towels, sexual humiliation, &c.).

But, what do we teach our children? In front of Mickey Mouse, the Spice Girls, The Concert for Diana (which, I have spied out of the corner of my eye, includes Take That with a bunch of girls in thongs and basques) - that the image is the thing? That once the image provides a 'message', that they should accept it as truth? That the message should not be questioned? That they should masturbate, thinking of the Freedom they enjoy, despite the fact that they don't know what it means? I take no more joy in the idea of children masturbating than others would, but when 'mainstream' media includes thongs, cleavage, thrusting and gyrating the kind of which I haven't seen since "One Night In Paris" (a mainstay in my school), I wonder what my child, at age 8, thinks he's meant to do with (or to?) himself when he sees the latest pop act, gobshite 'reporter' or other 'pussy-lebrity'.

Yikes, I'm angry.

Let's do this: Let's agree we'll politicise our children when it matters - but not before. Let's enjoy the fact that we can, selfishly, spend time with our children, savour the cus cus in the local deli, run on the football pitches (so what if they're littered with cans, they shouldn't be, but the kid will learn soon enough that life is all about that - things that shouldn't be)

Let's teach children about the main political policies and focusses of any existing party in the country. Let's let them know what these parties are about. Let's not teach them whether this is 'Right' or 'Wrong', just that this is what they believe.

What about the kids in Palestine? With Mickey Mouse? What about them? I have no idea. I can't fix that, because I'm not from that region (and no one who is not from that region can really offer a real solution - fact.) I can't help. I'd love to give the advice above - don't let your children accept anything as 'truth' unless they have researched it themselves. Difficult? Fuck off. Between the Internet, and the multiple social networking sites available, children now have better access to information than ever before. Unfortunately, what demarcates the 'Truth' from 'Information' is generally based on parental guidance. And we put them in front of a gang of 'buy a wonderbra' gobshites and a cartoon character that wants to contribute to the Jihad.